Unspoken Rules of Success

July 24, 2024

Sherry McMenemy

When you start a new job, there is always a learning curve as you get a handle on your responsibilities, how your role fits in the larger organization, processes, goals, and generally how things work. The explicit stuff — such as what’s documented, what your manager and co-workers share with you — is knowledge you can gain. The harder part is often all of the stuff that isn’t easily accessed — the unspoken rules and ways of interacting.

Unspoken rules, as Harvard career advisor Gorick Ng says, remain unspoken because they silently morph from “things we don’t know we don’t know” to “things we consider common sense.”

Exploring unspoken rules

But the unspoken rules aren’t always “sensical.” Sometimes they are coping mechanisms to deal with poor management or uncertainty, sometimes they are clique-builders that determine who is “in” and who is “out” in terms of influence and power, and sometimes they are a symptom of a fast-changing workplace (which is why a lot of startups have a lot of more tacit knowledge than explicit knowledge).

To succeed in a new role, you will need to uncover and work with this tacit knowledge. Ng emphasizes three elements of workplace success:

Competence: Being reliable, detail-oriented, and responsive. Knowing how to communicate effectively and good at managing up. Demonstrating an ability to foresee complex situations before they arise and displaying leadership qualities even before you attain a leadership role.
Commitment: Being responsive and credible. Inspiring trustworthiness and showing commitment to the vision of the working environment.
Compatibility: Proactively working with colleagues and managers to encourage collective effort. Showing genuine team spirit.

Compatibility is the interesting vector, as it’s often where unspoken rules have a big impact. Compatibility may be a driver of those situations where you feel frustrated but can’t put your finger on why, or why some people seem to advance faster than what their capabilities indicate.

Essentially, one of your priorities should be to understand the prevalent cultural norms. These vary based on industry, geography, role, or demographics, as well as personal preferences of your leaders. There will be norms around things like working hours, appropriate escalation paths, how open leaders are to walk-ins, dress code, vacation, communication style, etiquette, and even inside jokes.

Ng suggests asking yourself the following questions to get some insight about your position:

Am I aware? Do you know the processes, workflows, and norms?
Am I visible? Are you fully present at work? Do you contribute opinions and ideas?
Am I intentional? Do you assess how you spend quality time in your work and your life?
Am I mentored? Do you have people who help you to reflect and grow in your career?
Am I sponsored? Do you have people who are willing to stand for you?

Ng also did some research on how class impacts cultural norms – and he found that people outside of the dominant class (often white-collar and upper-middle class) have to learn norms that others who are born “in the circle” just know because they are learned behaviors that they have observed their whole lives.

Behaviors and competencies

Across many types of company culture, there are some behaviors and competencies that are likely good for career building. Many won’t be on your scorecard because they are hard to measure:

Relationship building. Demonstrate your ability to build relationships inside and outside of your organization, especially with customers if you can. Being able to get along with other departments will lead to better performance.
Influence and teamwork. Figure out how to be a contributor and an influencer early and find ways to help your entire team do well.
Politics are a thing. Even in the best workplaces, politics exist. Find ways to play well within your own boundaries. Don’t, however, engage in negative behaviors like malicious gossip or getting ahead on the back of someone else.
Knowledgeable and competent. Get up to speed on the industry, company, and department’s deep knowledge that will help you to be a better contributor. Learn from mistakes and take care to listen to people who have expertise in the areas where you have gaps.
Proactive. Anticipate needs and act on problems or opportunities as they come up. Use your developing network to socialize shared goals and to get others on board as needed.

There is a caveat on competencies in that you may break some unspoken rules if you aren’t sensitive to work practices and key influencers. Some examples might be jumping ahead on a project without having full background information or without consulting all of the stakeholders, which can result in stepping on toes or bruising egos.

How to navigate when the rules aren’t obvious

In any situation where there are tacit “rules of conduct,” you may choose to just move ahead. Some choose to follow the documented rules, but that can be limiting. You may stumble and not really understand why.

So, what can you do?

Observe. Pay attention to how your peers actually do things vs. what they tell you is the correct process. Confirm your observations with a trusted co-worker and ask them why things are done that way. The answers will reveal tacit knowledge.
Figure out where you fit in. You need to know why you were hired, where you fit into the organization, and how your manager sees your career path in the organization. Just as important is understanding what others are thinking about why you were hired or where you fit in. This can reveal a lot about team and company dynamics.
Do your homework. Before you start asking a lot of questions, do your own due diligence on the history of key projects or decisions. There are lots of indirect sources that can be of use as well – take a look at any existing knowledgebases, project notes, group discussions, shared docs, and so on. Software engineer David Qorashi recommends a “bundle and escalate” approach, where you put together a list of questions and start with the most junior member of your team. Escalating up with (hopefully) fewer questions by the time you get to the top, making sure that you show that you’ve already done some homework before asking.
Move from learner to leader mode over time. In a new job or new role, start in learner mode, ask questions, and gain confidence, then move toward leader mode, where you know more than the others. Being mindful of which mode you are in can inform how you should be conducting yourself in meetings and alongside coworkers.
Advocate for your manager and help them to be your advocate. Make the most of your one-on-one meetings to understand what their priorities, interests, and drivers are. Share your career aspirations and goals. If you feel comfortable, tell them about what you’ve observed and ask them for their insights. The more you know, the more you can step up to assignments that matter to them.
Understand all of the key KPIs. Most will be documented and communicated, but some won’t be. Performing well means hitting your targets, but there may be hidden KPIs too – such as working hours, your email/communications style, or how well you anticipate what your manager needs to look good for the next level up. While showing results is better than sharing your activities, sometimes the activities are where valuable information is shared, so they are still a valuable part of managing your career.
Be patient and don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone, especially when there are setbacks. It’s always a learning curve, and your ability to adapt is a key factor in how well you navigate operational and career challenges. Where you feel uncomfortable or frustrated, you may be against some unspoken rules that you need to learn about, so you have to be OK with taking that on.
Don’t over-posture. If you are given ownership of some process, domain, or project as part of a new role, you will be looked at closely for how you assume ownership. You don’t have to keep everything the same as it was, but turning everything upside down won’t go over well either. Doing things like forcing stricter approvals, micro-managing, or shutting down feedback will likely lead to poor outcomes.